My fears.
Sometimes I don't want to sleep because I fear that once I close my eyes, I won't open them again. I just said "see you tomorrow" to my friends, but what if there is no tomorrow? We sort of assume that there will be one, that it will be there, like how the Pacific Ocean or taxes are just THERE. What if I don't wake up tomorrow morning? Would there be things that I haven't said or done? Will the rest of my family know how much I love them? Would my friends know how much I appreciate them?
But right now, if I were to stop breathing the next second, I know I'd be satisfied with my life.
In other times when I don't want to sleep, I fear that I'd miss something important if I slept. Important moments in history, or important moments in my life. Moments that could change the world, moments that could change me, for better or worse. Lately I've been having life changing moments really really late at night.
Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I feel very unsettled until I see someone else in the bathroom or the hallway. My fear increases exponentially with the time it takes to I see that person. When I don't see anyone, I sort of think, "maybe the whole world disappeared while I was sleeping." Or maybe the world never existed. What would I do if that were the case? I don't know. But so far, I've always seen someone within the first 10 minutes of my waking in the morning, and everyday I see the people that make me smile.
So I guess I don't really have reasons to fear. But even if I do, my brain eventually gets too tired to even fear, and that's when I sleep. Which is right about..... now.