The following is an account of a fragmented conversation that I had with a woman on a bus, a woman who may had an equally fragmented mind. Not an exact account, actually, because there was less coherence in it. But I have to rephrase it a bit or it won't even make the little sense that it does to me. Throughout the conversation she occasionally laughed, winked at me (in that "see what I'm saying?" and "yeah, that's right" way) and also did the buddy-buddy punch in the shoulder thing.
(conversation with my friends about a night market in Hong Kong)
...there are lots of people at the night market.
like the Skybar!
yeah? I've never been there. I'm not old enough. Age restriction there is what, 21? 23?
well then tell me, if that's the case, why is everyone there smaller than you are?
um.. I don't know. Maybe because each generation grows bigger than the one before?
you know, don't ever take cab after dark. Ever.
then how do I get home? I imagine it won't be any safter walking..
just don't.
yeah?
or you'll get mugged, like everyone else. What you do is go with someone. The buddy system, you know?
how about michael jackson? or diana kroll? what about them?
oh you don't just smile all the time these days. you can't have fun all the time, no. you have fun in the back alley, in the dark streets, in the car...
nat: We should give the bed to the salvation army!
me: They take beds?
her: You should take it down to the beach!
in the summer, make sure you wear sunscreen
yeah I got burnt quite a few times this summer
see these people they put stuff on their faces and cover up... you really don't need...
look, there's Hell's Kitchen (a restaurant/bar on 4th). Only Angels can go there, if you know what I mean.
..at night people drink, and they shoot up. They really shouldn't.. but I guess I'm being hypocritical. Know what they don't tell you? LSD..
look at that place, you don't go up there.
the fitness centre?
well that's what it is now. it used to be a bar, the longest bar in canada. *laughs*
I have more friends in new york
you used to live in new york?
I had friends in new york, friends in (some other place).
did you like it there?
I had a husband. He's dead. I'm having a lot more fun now.
see there? there's mcdonald's. then there's shoppers. you know what it is nowadays? tourism. it's everywhere. the western trail.
and this is what she said, and what I said, though not all of it, in no particular order, because that is what the whole conversation is like in my head now, in bits and pieces, here and there. It's difficult to organize the pieces because one part doesn't connect to another part the way our day-to-day conversations flow. But I enjoyed it, though it made me sad at the same time. There were burn marks on her hands and arms, and there was a phone number written on her arm. I didn't look at much of the rest of her because she held my gaze throughout most of the conversation. Straight in the eye. There was a certain charm to her, but not in the normal sense of charm. Or maybe I'm crazy to see that in someone who everyone else would think is out of her mind. I once had another encounter with someone... similar I guess, though saying that would be making the mistake of generalizing people into narrow categories. They fascinate me though, because in their head the world is a totally different place, and normal rules that apply to tracking minds do not apply in these conversations. But it makes sense in their minds, and I want to know how. I don't know if she needed comfort, something that she probably won't find in this cruel world of ours, and if she did, what from and why. But maybe just like how it is in her head, my thoughts diverted to something else as soon as it went further on with that thought. I didn't want to imagine, and I didn't want to pretend that I could possibly know or understand.
Now as I head to bed, in my room, surrounded by all these things that make the world that much friendlier for me, I wonder what she's up to, if the rest of her day was as interesting as mine, if it will ever be any quieter in her head. And if, only if I could have done something. Maybe. Or if someone could have done something at some point, for her.