dated and unrecorded

Looking through some draft posts, I found some random half-finished thoughts. Some are crazier than others, with all of them in varying degrees of completion. This particular one strikes me as somewhat insane, but the funny part is I'm not entirely sure what context I was writing this in. Even the date doesn't really give me a clue. Anyhow, I thought, I have no idea what this is about, but it almost sounds like it could be something. I'm sure there was a reason why I kept it as a draft, but I don't remember anymore, so let's post it! Yay melodrama.

she said to me, "there's no time, just do it or don't." but before I could make up my mind the moment had passed and I'm not sure if it meant I still have a choice now or if I have already made my decision when I took the time to think. did I? or did I not? I guess the thought never really counts.

"It's never too late," he said, and as much as I'd like to believe it, I don't. Irreversible errors, permanent changes. An inescapable reality. Stuck on a path that leads to where I don't know.

The certainty and uncertainty of the future, the certainty of our own demise, the uncertainty of everything that goes between now and then. Terrified? no. Tired? yes. The anticipation, it kills me. And if I could I'd fastforward to the end but I turned to you and pleaded, "hold me, please, and don't let me go."

I love you, but I'm hurting, and it has nothing to do with you. I don't know what forever means, or what love is, for that matter. All I want is some kind of permanence, and you give me an illusion of it.