I saw a production of the Laramie Project yesterday evening. It is a play written based on the brutal murder of a gay young man Matthew Shepard back in 1998 in Laramie, Wyoming and its aftermath.

It was really well-done, which made it really intense. I guess the personal part of seeing something like this – the portrayal of the kind of violence that is possible and the kind of violence that is directed towards people who are different – is the part where the inevitable thought passes through your mind and you realize it could be you. I don't mean it in a vicarious, "I could lose my best friend tomorrow to a car accident too" kind of way. It's recognizing what kind of social attitude had allowed that event to happen, and knowing that you live under the mercy of it yourself.

It's not so much that seeing that have made me more fearful of the world or distrustful of people, but it's just kind of a sobering moment where you realize that sometimes, by virtue of being who you are around other people, in public, you are making yourself vulnerable. It becomes a moment of strength and a moment of weakness: you know you can't stop now, but at the same time you're not sure how you can find enough courage to go through all that. You remember moments when you've felt that fear and not known what to do. You remember moments when you've failed to stand up for yourself. You remember moments when you've faced that kind of hate and wondered what it is exactly that you have done wrong.

And I guess what hit home was that you never know which moment of weakness, of failing to stand, might lead to your defeat.

p.s. if you live in Vancouver, Fighting Chance Productions will be remounting the show at the Havana from Jan 21-31, 2009.